


never have I ever made poor life choices

by ProfessorESP



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: (Alya has watched Mean Girls), Aromantic Alya, Bad Muslim Alya, Bi Adrien, Bi Adrien would totally make out with himself, Drinking Games, Gen, Noodle Incidents, Underage Drinking, about 90 percent dialogue, affectionate use of gendered slurs, egregious over estimates of the volume of the average jack daniels bottle, mentions of recreational drug use, mentions of sexual situations, secret troublemaker Adrien
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 06:16:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5195282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfessorESP/pseuds/ProfessorESP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alya gathers the gang at Marinette's house for nefarious purposes. Like drinking games.</p>
            </blockquote>





	never have I ever made poor life choices

**Author's Note:**

> This fic in no way condones underage drinking, and I have never participated in or been at a party with underage drinking. I just wanted to write teenager-y rule breaking and the gang playing never have I ever.

“This is boring,” Alya sighed.

"You’re the one who decided to have a party,” Nino said.

The four of them- Adrien, Alya, Nino, and Marinette- were piled in Marinette’s bedroom. Her parents were out for the night visiting friends out of town, and since it was Sunday the shop had closed early. Marinette had been content to just fix herself dinner and work on a few designs, but Alya had declared that too boring and invited herself, Nino, and Adrien over for the evening. In the face of her friends- and her crush- Marinette had been powerless to refuse.

“We’re unchaperoned teens!” Alya said, choosing to ignore Nino. “We should be doing something!”

“We could watch another movie?” Adrien suggested.

“Not that. Like, something dangerous!”

“Did you have something specific in mind?” Marinette asked sarcastically.

“I don’t know,” Alya said. “Drinking, or smoking, or something.”

Marinette wrinkled her nose. “Nobody’s smoking anything in my bedroom. I sleep in here, I don’t want it to smell like pot.”

“I don’t even know where I would get weed,” Nino said.

“I know a girl who does coke, I’m sure she’d know where to get softer drugs,” Adrien said, attention still on the magazine he was reading. After a few beats of silence, he looked up to see his friend’s shocked faces. “What? I grew up in the fashion industry. Everybody over the age of sixteen has an addiction.”

Marinette shook her head. She could deal with that thought later. Much later. “Nobody is doing any drugs in my apartment.”

“Boo, you whore,” Alya said. Nino and Adrien glanced at each other in shock, but Marinette just rolled her eyes. “What about-”

“We’re not drinking either. My parents only keep one bottle of wine in the apartment at a time, and they’d definitely notice if it went missing.”

“Aren’t you Muslim?” Adrien asked.

Alya snorted. “I never said I was a  good  Muslim."

“With how often her mom serves bourbon sauce at dinner, I’m pretty sure she couldn’t be a good Muslim even if she tried,” Marinette added.

“So you wouldn’t mind the bottle of Jack Daniels I have stowed in my school bag?” Adrien asked, grinning.

Marinette gaped at him, but Alya just clapped her hands together.

“Did you bring shot glasses?”

“Who doesn’t bring shot glasses with their liquor?”

“I’m beginning to understand your dad’s thing against parties,” Nino said weakly.

Adrien rolled his eyes. “Get on the floor, we’re playing never have I ever.”

The four of them settled on the floor in a circle. Adrien pulled out four shot glasses and filled them with whiskey before sliding them over the floor. Alya was bouncing with excitement. Nino looked resigned but not unopposed to the idea. Marinette was still in shock. Perfect, sweet Adrien wasn’t so perfect and sweet after all.

“So, who wants to go first?” Nino asked.

“Dealer’s choice,” Alya teased. Adrien held up his hands in defeat.

“Alright, we’re playing by tens rules. First person to ten shots has to down the rest of the bottle. Let’s start with something easy. Never have I ever... been turned into a super villain.”

Marinette giggled as Nino and Alya both took a shot. That was one she’d be permanently exempt from, thanks to Tikki and her Miraculous.

“Discrimination, man,” Nino mumbled. He stuck out his glass for a refill and Adrien obliged. “Alright, my turn. Never have I ever... skipped class.”

Alya, Adrien, and Marinette all took a shot. Marinette gagged at the taste. 

“Seriously? All three of you?”

“The Ladyblog demands my dedication twenty-four-seven!” Alya declared.

“Ah, well, I’m counting photo shoots in that,” Adrien said, rubbing his neck.

“Fair. What about you, Marinette?”

“...overslept,” she muttered, blushing. “A lot.”

“Hey man, I get that. Hard to get up with the alarm. No judging. But it’s totally your turn next.”

“Um... never have I ever... taken a test without studying.”

“Laaame,” Nino said. Adrien downed a shot. “Seriously, dude?”

“My tutor used to do ambush pop quizzes. I’d think I was alone in the library and suddenly bam, math test.”

“No wonder you switched to public school. That guy sounds like a dick,” Alya said, laughing. “Alright, my turn. Never have I ever.... had a crush on someone.”

“Oh come on, that’s cheating!” Marinette yelled. “You can’t use your aromanticism to win!”

“Rules are rules, take the shot!”

Marinette glared at her, but drained her glass. Nino and Adrien followed suit

“Alright, my turn,” Adrien said. “Never have I ever... slept in past noon.”

Marinette sighed and took another shot, Nino right behind her.

“You’re weird, man.”

Adrien laughed and shoved Nino, both of them wavering slightly before they regained their balance. “Whatever, it’s your turn.”

“Alright, alright. Never have I ever… been kidnapped by a super villain.”

“With no regrets!” Alya shouted, downing her glass enthusiastically. Marinette rolled her eyes and followed suit.

“Wait, when were you kidnapped?” Adrien asked

“Where do I start,” she muttered. She seemed to fall into a trap or cage as Ladybug at least once a week. “I mean, uh. When that Pharaoh guy attacked the museum I got turned into a mummy.”

“And that one time you went on a date with one,” Alya teased. 

“That was! I went of my own free will! To help Ladybug and Chat Noir! It was not a kidnapping.”

“Mhmm. Sure it wasn’t. Is that why you ended up trapped in a box?”

“O-only because Chat Noir couldn’t do his job right!”

“Okay!” Adrien shouted. “Marinette, you’re next!”

She crossed her arms and frowned. “Never have I ever… gotten handcuffed.”

Adrien took a shot. “Before you ask,” he said, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Ooooh, I’ve got a good one,” Alya said. She rubbed her hands together gleefully. “Never have I ever…. been attracted to Ladybug or Chat Noir.” 

Adrien and Marinette both downed their glasses, then stared at each other in disbelief. Alya clapped her hands excitedly.

“Which one, which one?” she asked.

Adrien looked up at the ceiling. “I mean, Ladybug is uh, really attractive. But uh, I wouldn’t mind spending time with Chat Noir either.”

Marinette’s face was already flushed from the alcohol, but that made her turn beet red. Adrien thought she was attractive! Or at least, he thought Ladybug was attractive.

“Earth to Marinette,” Alya said, trying to snap her fingers underneath Marinette’s chin and failing miserably. 

“Well, he’s a total dork and an outrageous flirt, but Chat Noir is pretty fit,” Marinette said, eyes squeezed shut. “Plenty of muscle. Very agile. Nice figure.”

Alya cackled. “Incredible,” she said. “Incredible.”

“Shut- shut up!” Marinette sputtered. “Adrien, it’s your turn.”

“Alright. Never have I ever… cursed in front of a teacher.”

Nobody touched their glasses. “Penalty, penalty!” Alya chanted. Adrien grimaced and drained his glass.

“Cool, alright,” Nino said. “Never have I ever… had to run from the police.” Alya, Adrien, and Marinette all drained their glasses. “Seriously guys?”

“Hey, a lot of Ladybug’s fights happen on private property! I do a lot of trespassing for the sake of journalism,” Alya said, a little too proudly.

“The last time I went to a party after a runway show, someone made a noise complaint,” Adrien said, shrugging. 

Marinette thought back to hiding on the rooftops with Chat, trying to avoid the helicopters overhead and the armed policemen below.  “...I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. 

“That’s fine,” Nino said. “Your turn.”

“Okay. Uh, never have I ever left the country.”

Adrien, Alya and Nino all drank a shot.

“Seriously? All of you?”

“Italy, England, America, Spain, Austria,” Adrien said, listing them off on his fingers.

“I was born in Italy, so,” Nino said, shrugging.

“Grandparents live in southern Spain,” Alya said. “We visit them every other summer. My turn. Never have I ever… seen someone else naked. In real life, that wasn’t a family member.”

“Locker room naked?” Marinette asked.

“Stark naked. Not even their underwear.”

Adrien took a shot. Marinette let out a high pitched squeak. She was not jealous.

“Seriously?” Alya asked with glee. “Who was it?”

“Runway models are not shy,” he said. His words were starting to slur a little. “Now, it’s my turn! Never have I ever… tried to break into someone’s phone.”

Alya started laughing. Marinette glared over her glass at Alya, who was still cackling.

“Do I want to know?” Nino asked.

“No! No you do not!” Marinette said. Her face turned even redder. “Just ask the next question!”

Nino tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Never have I ever… thought about a classmate while getting off.”

“Oh my god,” Marinette said. She covered her face with her hands as Alya took a shot and slammed her glass back on the floor. “I don’t want to know, I really don’t.”

“Drink the shot, Marinette,” Alya said. “I know you’ve done it.” Marinette drained her glass and set it back down on the floor, not looking at Alya. Or at Nino. Or Adrien.  Especially  Adrien.  

“Alright,” Marinette said. “Never have I ever… been kicked out of a restaurant.” 

Alya drained her glass. “Before you ask, no, it was not the one my mother works at. Now, never have I ever… fallen into the Seine.”

Nino and Adrien both took a shot.

“I’m still mad at you for that,” Nino said, pointing at Adrien accusingly. “You ruined my favorite shoes.”

“I got you new ones!”

“There’s no replacement for broken in sneakers!”

“Hey Marinette,” Alya asked slyly, “how many shots has Adrien taken?”

“Um,” she counted them on her fingers. “Ten, I think? Ten.”

“HA!” Alya turned and pointed at where Adrien and Nino were grappling playfully. “J'accuse! You’re out of shots, buddy! Drain the bottle!”

Adrien groaned and fell limp in Nino’s grip. “Is ten shots not enough for you?”

“You made the rules, buddy! Drink, drink drink!”

He sighed and pushed Nino off him. Adrien squinted at the bottle, which only had about an inch of liquor left in it. He shrugged and knocked back the rest of the bottle, throat bobbing for a few seconds until he’d drunk the last drop. He gasped for air and wiped the drips of whiskey off his face. 

“Dude,” Nino said. He punched Adrien in the arm. Alya was laughing again, and Marinette had pressed her hands against her face to hide her perpetual, ever-darkening blush. “I  really  hope you don’t plan on walking home tonight.”


End file.
